Wounds Without Visible Scars by Chrishna Williams, Guest Writer

I must preface this essay with, I am not a therapist nor play one on TV, but I do have a therapist along with several close therapist friends (hence why I am a guest writer on this site!). I mention this because my thoughts and opinions are not based on my educational background in terms of degrees, but my lived experiences, relationships and observations. With that said, I do appreciate and value those people who are committed to the healing of people through their professional work and research.

So many of us show up in this world operating from a space of hurt and pain. We move through life hurting others and ourselves, with no sense of why we do what we do or with minimal understanding of what made us who we are. We rely on the typical things like race, culture, socioeconomic status, and our zodiac sign, but we do not always consider what lies beyond what we can see and remember. By no means am I suggesting that we walk around totally clueless to what has shaped and molded us, but I do think we have conveniently forgotten some significant experiences in our lives, often for good reasons. Many of us have at one time or another been wounded, but because the scars have healed and possibly disappeared, our wounds show up in our lives with no warning, no recognizable pain or identity of how they got there or who even caused it. I often ask myself how folks can live an authentic full life with a closed mind, emotional immaturity and a lack of self-awareness. This is not coming from a place of judgment but from a genuine concern for our overall growth in this world. I must be honest; this was me and not that I have arrived, but I am definitely clearer about who I am, and how I got here.

The trauma our community has endured for generation after generation goes beyond incomprehensible. The trauma of slavery, Jim Crow, the civil rights movement and modern-day racism has wreaked havoc on the mental health of black folks. I always felt like I had a good sense of the black experience in America, just simply from being black. However, being several generations removed from the atrocities of what my ancestors and other black Americans experienced at the hands of white Americans, I needed to take a deeper dive into those experiences. As I read more of our history, I reflect on the famous James Baldwin quote “To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage.” There is a cost to the rage, particularly on the minds and bodies of black people.

“Trauma decontextualized in a person looks like personality. Trauma decontextualized in a family looks like family traits. Trauma in a people looks like culture.” --Resmaa Menakem, Trauma Expert

Although we are several generations from the scars of those whippings, lynchings, mutilations, brutal beatings, and fire hoses, the wounds are ever so present in our current generations. Therefore, the question is what have black folks done with that pain and trauma, especially when the descendants of those afflictions want you to move on without acknowledgment, accountability, or reparation. We compartmentalize, trust God and move forward until the next triggering event (and there have been a lot lately). That unhealed trauma shows up somewhere, it shapes our lives and alters our perspectives. I am definitely not saying that our lives are void of love, triumphs and successes, but I just cannot help but reflect on what was stifled, snuffed out or will never be and that makes me sad.

Honestly, The People are EXHAUSTED!

Although exhausted, I must say I am encouraged. Recently I have heard more discussions about mental health within the black community. Since they have such a huge platform, it has been particularly refreshing to hear celebrities and athletes talk about their experiences and family history related to mental health. For so long our community relied on the phrase “take it to Jesus.” Trust me, Jesus and prayer do work, but remember-faith without works is dead, so there is also room for a good therapist. Historically and culturally, there has not been adequate space to process, grieve or heal from our traumas. In the words of one of our elders Iyanla Vanzant, “we must do our work.” With the amount of pain and trauma our community is exposed to, along with just regular ole human experiences, it’s understandable why our scars may no longer be visible, but the wounds are still there.

It was not until I started therapy that I gained more clarity around what traumas I experienced and how those once unidentified triggers were leading and guiding my decision-making. Trust me, those “healed” scars show up again often without acknowledgement of their origin, masked as ‘I’m good, ‘I’m okay’, or ‘that was a long time ago’. Are we good? Are you okay? Is there a time limit? We are responsible for our own healing, whether there is acknowledgment or accountability from the offender or not. We must acknowledge that the pain exists and give ourselves permission to heal without judgment. Relying on the convenience of denial and our ability to survive is no longer acceptable. Just surviving is not the key, it is time to THRIVE! Moving through life, without owning our truths good, bad, pleasure, pain, heartbreak, joy, love, grief, sadness, etc., leaves us open to inflicting or projecting onto others.

We want to appear that we have it all together and that we have moved passed those things that hurt us. Keeping up appearances has never served anyone well. How many times have we told ourselves we want to be authentic? How Sway? because that means owning it ALL! Those painful truths that have often robbed us of fully experiencing life. The uncomfortable places that we are so afraid to sit in. The pain we’ve experienced often keeps us hyper focused on the highs and successes of life, even though they lack satisfaction and fulfillment.

What I have realized is that living a lie has become more convenient than standing in our truth, as the saying goes-the truth hurts. We use that saying so casually without really sitting in it. Yes, the truth can hurt but it can also heal, free, love, expose and correct. Whereas the convenience of a lie can literally steal, kill and destroy, not to sound too melodramatic; but where is the lie (no pun intended)?

Our wounds and scars are significant parts to our stories. Think of the stories of our ancestors that were intertwined with hope, resilience, courage, trauma, heartbreak and grief. We do not ignore those experiences; we embrace the entire truth of their lives. So let us honor ourselves by acknowledging our entire story, so that we can truly heal from the inside out and walk in our authentic selves.

Chrishna Williams is a Baltimore-based writer and fundraising professional with a deep appreciation for history, culture, and the power of storytelling. Her reflections are shaped by lived experience, family, and community, with a commitment to honoring the collective stories of Black women and the ways their experiences have shaped our families, communities, and the world around us.

Follow Chrishna on IG: @thadramatic_1 Substack:@canthesistasrap LinkedIn: @Chrishna Williams